Leadership Alchemy No. 6 – Your Ears, Your Leadership Superpower!!!

By Anupama Vaidya

What are the chances that a common theme appears as a trend through your work on a particular day? And that too, just a few days after we celebrate a day dedicated to this theme – the World Listening Day on July 18th.  

Last week, a relaxed conversation with a friend over a cup of coffee turned into a deep dive of leadership traits. Our focus quickly narrowed to the decline of active listening, a trend both observed firsthand in our roles. Frequent interactions with leaders across various organizations, from one-on-one meetings to group meetings to interviews, highlighted a concerning pattern of diminishing listening skills.

This observation was further reinforced during two consecutive management meetings later that day. I couldn’t help wonder how productive the conversations could be if the participants listened to understand and be in the context!

The restorative power of a long drive after a mentally demanding day cannot be undermined.  With an hour to spare before reaching home, I found myself in a reflective mood on this very topic of active listening. Recognising my own development journey in this area, (I consider myself as a work in progress), it indeed is a topic close to my heart.  

Years of experience including setbacks, and feedback have gradually transformed my initial impatience into a growing capacity to be present! While I am making progress, the journey is far from complete.

This past weekend, my thoughts rushed back to this topic, offering meaningful reflections and perspectives through my myriads of encounters! Recurring patterns emerged, providing numerous pointers and food for thought for my own development. While pages and pages could be written on these reflections, what I share here is merely the tip of the tip of the tip of the iceberg.

Pondering: In the symphony of conversation, listening is the missing harmony. 

The eagerness and preoccupation to share one’s own viewpoint than genuinely understand the essence of the conversation through active listening to respond in context.

In conversations, just reflect upon how frequently your queries elicit pre-packaged responses that completely miss the mark?  The inclination to share one’s viewpoint often overshadows the vital act of truly understanding another’s perspective. The disconcerting disconnects between the question and the response provided suggests a conversation reduced to a stage for self-expression, lacking depth and context necessary for a meaningful dialogue for discovery and growth.  

What compels one to prioritise speaking over listening?

👂Is it the innate human desire for self-expression and validation, often overshadowing the importance of understanding others and engage in a meaningful dialog?

👂Or is it the relentless pressures of modern life – demanding deadlines, fierce competition, multi-tasking or a constant need to outshine peers & prove oneself – that leave little room for attentive listening?

👂Or could it stem from deeper psychological factors such as insecurity, fear of judgement, or a fear of exposing vulnerabilities, leading to a defensive stance where speaking takes precedence over comprehension?

👂Or perhaps a misguided belief that effective communication is solely about delivering information, rather than fostering mutual understanding?

👂Or could it be a lapse in mindfulness, coupled with the constant barrage of distractions, eroding the ability to be fully present in conversations?

👂Or maybe the tendency to filter information through preconceived notions, that hinder the capacity to grasp the nuances and subtleties of the dialogue, ultimately limiting the potential to contribute meaningfully?

👂Or is it just an ignorance to the adverse impact the lack of attentiveness or inconsistent engagement has on the conversation and its desired value? 

While reflections on these thoughts provide us deeper insights, the understanding of the multifaceted dynamics of effective communication extend beyond mere verbal exchange. Nonverbal cues such as tone, body language (eye contact, nodding, facial expressions…), choice of words and the contextual understanding significantly influence the ability to listen attentively. In the digital age, where interactions often occur through screens, the absence of visual and auditory cues aggravates the challenges of comprehending the full spectrum of communication especially paying attention!

On experiences that when the listening is neglected, conversations become sterile exchanges devoid of meaning. The experience is akin to pouring water onto an inverted pot – effort expended, without value being retained! This imagery captures the futility and frustration of conversations where listening is absent, and meaningful exchange is lost.

Breakdown in listening further degrades the culture, you sense a climate of distrust, disengagement, and suboptimal outcomes brewing stealthily. Ideas wither, trust erodes, and collective intelligence squandered; indifference creeps in and opportunities for growth slip away like the sand through one’s fingers. This very missed opportunity can have significant consequences and could probably be a real turning point.

In cultivating effective leadership, active listening emerges as a non-negotiable cornerstone. By creating space for genuine connections, fostering mutual understanding, and unlocking the potential through active listening, leaders demonstrate their commitment to deep engagement, empathy, and a genuine desire to understand another's perspective.

In conclusion, I love what Chris Voss says in his Book ‘Never Split the Difference’. He puts it very well, page 160 – Who has control in a conversation, the guy speaking or the guy listening? The listener, of course!